A letter to the mother who willingly handed her baby over

Dear *Amy

You don’t know me, and I know that I’ll never have the privilege to meet you, but I have something on my heart, and I would like to share it with you tonight. I though that I would write this letter at a later stage, but I couldn’t get you out of my thoughts and decided to write you this letter now.

I met your baby earlier this evening. We got the news that a new baby was to arrive, and we all were really excited to meet him, especially my kids. I’ll admit that I’m usually cautions to introduce my children to new babies, as we never really know what state they’ll be in. Will they be abused? Will they be malnourished and show signs of neglect? These are usually the difficult ones to explain to my two volunteer kids who has a heart for babies. And I was relieved to see a healthy little baby boy. No signs of abuse or neglect. He’s well looked after and healthy.

Ok I’ll admit that he was sad and confused, he was afraid of my children and myself, not to mention my husband. Even though I tried to hold and comfort him, he just didn’t want anything to do with me. He didn’t want to eat and sobbed uncontrollably while we undressed him to give him a bath. Those sobs will haunt me for a very long time. I felt completely hopeless. And I’m just a volunteer, I’m not the house mommy who took him into her home and heart without hesitation.

Thankfully dear Amy, we have other awesome volunteers as well, and even though I’m not one who sees colour, I was very grateful that this specific lady had a slight darker complexion than mine. Not only did she understand his background and needs, she stepped up like a superhero and made your little *Alex as comfortable as possible (under the circumstances). She strapped him to her back with a towel, and he immediately calmed down. (An NO, she’s not a black lady). We all laughed together as we tied him to her back, but being a mommy as well, she understood that this is where he would feel safe.

She understood that a bottle was something he didn’t know, and a spoon and bowl was even more foreign to your child. We took to the stove and prepared him a simple meal that he’s familiar with, and the superhero volunteer fed your child with her hands, she showed patience and encouraged and cheered him while he ate. We found a cup that he seemed to know and like, and he had all his milk. When he was fed and finished his milk, he went right back into the oversized towel, strapped onto *Lee’s back, and this is where he remained for quite some time. He didn’t cry, he gave me slight smile, and he was contempt. And then he spoke two words.

Yes, dear Amy, he asked for you!

I don’t speak your language, but every mother knows when a child asks for his or her mother. I think it’s a universal language of love. He asked for you and my heart broke even more.

Lee’s husband got in his car and fetched another lady who could speak to your little Alex, not that he can “speak”, as he is only 18 months old, but I understand that your baby had to hear, in his mother tongue, that he should sleep and that everything would be OK.

We finished up and went home. But I cannot seem to get you out of my mind. I spoke to the house mother and your *Alex is sleeping peacefully in a warm bed, in a house full of love tonight, and will continue to do so, until he finds a forever home and family who will love him like their own. So tonight, I’m not worried about your baby, I am however worried about you!

Are you relieved? Are you lying in a temporary shelter bunk sobbing your heart out? Are you contemplating and regretting your decision? I have absolutely no idea where you are, and what you are going through. But I want to make something very clear to you dear Amy. I will be praying for you, and you’ll be in my prayers and thoughts for a very long time. Every time when I see your beautiful son, I’ll say a prayer for you, thanking you for doing the best that that you could, with the little that you had.

As I’m sitting here writing this letter, I realise that you didn’t have the luxury of a private hospital when you gave birth to your child, I doubt that you were given the option of pain medication or an epidural, so the birth of your child wasn’t a walk in the park. It is however where you managed to keep him safe, to feed him and to love him for eighteen months. In a deserted “park” where the police and social workers found you.

Dear Amy, today you took the bravest and most unselfish decision of your life, and there is no one to congratulate or console you. You loved your child enough to hand him over to the social worker and police as you understood that living in a deserted park wasn’t the future that he deserved. You loved your child, that is one thing that I know, I know this because the boy that I met earlier today cried for his mother. He asked for his mother and he was well looked after.

Thank you, dear Amy. Thank you for being brave and wise. Thank you for loving your child enough.

I pray that your circumstances change. I pray that you will love yourself as you do your child. I pray that somehow society will stop failing you, and that you’ll have a house and a garden and even access to social media. I pray that somehow, someday, you’ll come across this letter, and find peace in the fact that you did much better than most of the mothers who are faced with your circumstances. You didn’t try to drown your child in a nappy bucket. You didn’t leave your child in trash can to die. You loved him and did the best that you could, and when you had to, you gave him a live that you never had.

I salute you, I thank you, and I’ll be praying for you. I understand that life happened to you in the worst way possible.

With all my love and compassion

Cindy-Anne

PS. I can’t wait to spend

more time with your son. I can’t wait to gain his trust and get more laughs out of him. And if it means that I’ll have to strap him to my back, and feed him with my hands, that’s what I’ll do, because if his mother loved him enough to want better for him, I’ll make dam sure that he gets the love he so richly deserves.

*Names have been changed for the benefit of all parties involved.

#isaluteyou #bravemom #uncommonhero #beeandme #lifehappens #caring