The Beginning - Our intro to Clubfeet
- Cindy-Anne Blogger
- Apr 4, 2018
- 4 min read
We didn’t know that our Bee had club-feet until the day that she was born, I haven’t really thought or spoken about it, because to be honest, it’s the worst feeling in the world. I almost lost her during my pregnancy, and not even then did I realise that this little girl would become a warrior, a hero, and living proof that anything is possible. I haven’t opened up or spoken about it until now, and I never knew just how difficult writing this blog would be. But if my Bee’s story can give just one mommy hope, then its worth the tears and memories that hurt.
I remember it vividly; the doctor said “congenital bilateral talipes”, and all that I saw under those bright operation table lights were her feet, completely turned inwards and upwards, I went into complete shock. They wrapped her in her blanket and took her away immediately as my blood pressure fell and they struggled with me in recovery for quite some time.
Before her birth I made it very clear to my husband “...you stay with our baby at all times, I don’t want her to be alone for a second...”, thus, there I was lying in recovery, all by myself, with nothing but nurses and surgeons trying to get me to “wake – up”, I finally came around, but to be honest, I don’t think I “woke-up” for quite some time.
I was expecting a perfect normal little bundle, I packed my hospital bag with cute outfits and booties, and all that I could think of, was did I do? Was it something I did? Was it something that I didn’t do? In fact, my mind didn’t stop for the next few years.
When I got to hold my baby for the first time, she was dressed in a cute candy stripe baby grow and wrapped in a swaddling blanket. I didn’t look at her feet. I just cried. I remember that my sister just hugged me and said, “we’ll fix this, she’s going to be OK”. My family has always been an amazing support structure, and I knew that if my sister said we’ll fix it, it will be done, that’s one thing you can count on. Even today, 8 years later, my children will vouch for that. Whatever “Kienie” says or does, just works.
My brother-in-law, who lost his arm many years ago, simply replied “at least she has feet”. Not even that made me feel better and the guilt and worry stayed in my mind. Nothing could have prepared me for the journey that lied ahead.
Now you have to understand, when you have no idea what clubfeet is, and you’re completely unprepared, you grasp at straws and believe whatever the paediatrician says, you trust that when he says that you have to see the “expert”, you SEE the “expert”, no matter what! So that is what we did, my husband took my one-day-old baby and left me at the hospital. Leaving me alone with my thoughts again. There was nothing that I could do, as my doctor refused to discharge me to go along.
I completely fell apart, and this is where my friend found me, sobbing on the floor in the bathroom in my hospital room. My friend who is the most beautiful person in the whole world. I recall that when we first me, I told her that she was the most elegant form of beauty that I have ever seen. Believe me, she’s a stunner, inside and out.
She sat down right next to me and assured me that everything was going to be OK. I think she held me for about a half an hour, and then she said “...I know that she’ll be fine, because I am fine”. Jip, there it was, my friend was born with a clubfoot, and I never new it, never noticed it. All I ever saw was her beauty.
I believe that she was sent to my room that day. The Lord definitely knew what I needed and who needed to be there for me at that very moment.
My husband never showed a sign of concern, he went into superhero mode and left the hospital with a day-old baby, its only now when I think back, that I realise I didn’t even think about what was going through his mind, not even to mention my little boy, who had no understanding of what was going on. His reaction to his sister’s feet, is a complete blog for another day.
Our Bee (my daughter) who got this nickname by proving everyone wrong, turned 8 in March, and its with great pride that she tells people where her nickname came from “...I’m not supposed to be able to walk, just as bees aren’t scientifically supposed to fly”.
Our journey has been a long and humbling one, but from day one, its been an adventure and I can’t wait to share my experience, lessons and trail and errors with you. As it's pretty obvious "life happens".
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